kaleidoscope. (pinkblink32) wrote,

I am feeling a bit of melancholy today. Feeling lonely and left out. Unmotivated and not much to do even if I were motivated. There was this work event that me and Court didn't get to go to last year even though everyone else was invited and we were sad and left out. This year Court is going but I'm not. To be fair neither are Steph, Joe and Tamsyn but it was never even really acknowledged. Stink.
Today is Sam and I's 5 year anniversary! This has nothing to do with my feelings of sadness by the way. I'm so happy with him- but he is in Auckland so we aren't doing anything tonight. I had been in a really good place lately so its disappointing that this is my second entry of the year. Future Heather, just know that I'm happy and trying my best to enjoy the youth while I still have it. Some of it anyways. I have strongly come to understand how much time goes so quickly and you wake up and wonder if you have savored it the best you could. You try to remember ever second of everyday but you just can't. And you try so hard that you make yourself unable to remember any memory. You wonder what you can do to make your life more full and memorable. How can we slow time down?
What is life but a collection of memories and soon you are erased from existence along with those memories. Why does this all happen? What are we trying to achieve? Lately I have been feeling so small, like I'm in the bottom of The Grand Canyon and I need to climb my way up and out but literally have no idea how to even begin.
I don't know, musings on a lonely Autumn Thursday afternoon.
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